Give Me Faith

So, when you’re pregnant there are some things you have no control over. Your emotions, your body…

This past week we had our 2-D ultrasound. Zack and I have been through 2 already, so really it was no big deal to us. That morning I was in quite the mood. Giddy as a school girl. Excited about seeing our third baby on screen.

They check everything out, the spine, hands, feet, kidneys, heart, and brain. The last two times we have found out what the gender was going to be, but since we already have a boy and a girl, we wanted to be surprised this time.

Our nurse was super sweet. We were chatting back and forth through the whole procedure – her letting us know this looks good, that looks good.

Then she was all finished and told us the doctor would be with us in a minute…

I was thinking in my mind… wondering we’d go out to lunch.

(Yes, food is very important to a pregnant girl)

Then Zack and I were talking about how awesome it is for him as daddy to see the baby on screen because I have a different connection being a momma.

So, the doctor steps into our room and sits down and says your baby looks perfect. Then proceeds to tell us that there’s not a birth defect but something that we should be aware of. My mind stopped at birth defect and ran with it. I felt like everything was happening in slow motion.

He then told us that the baby had a choroid plexus cyst (on the brain), which wouldn’t harm any of the learning or how he or she would play ball. This cyst shows up in about 1-2% of women and usually goes away in the third trimester. The thing they get concerned about is trisomy 18. He gave us comfort in that there was no other factors during the ultrasound that led him to think there would be anything wrong with our baby.

He said in order to rule out this we have 2 options:

The first –  an amniocentesis, which raises the risk of miscarriage significantly and the risk of which significantly outweighed the potential benefit of learning anything about the chroid plexus

The second option was an expensive blood test that even with insurance would be pretty pricey. (Like Lexus car payment pricey)

I’m so thankful Zack was there because I honestly hadn’t heard half of that. The doctor left the room and I started to cry. I couldn’t be sure if it was just normal emotions of mine or if the pregnancy emotions were taking over.

That day I went through a myriad of emotions.

I did my share of crying.

Then I heard something on the radio that set my heart on a different course. Yes, I could have the blood test. I could have the amniocentesis. But, the lady speaking said God has created this little life before I knew it would even exist. He has written every single day that they would have. So, I am resting in knowing that He wasn’t surprised by what news we received.

He didn’t say “oops”, as my small group leader would say.

I will say that this is better in theory than in real life. I can’t say I have been that courageous or brave.

There are still countless times a day when my mind will drift there.

But, I am resting in knowing that He is in control and I am not.

Such a difficult lesson sometimes…

The title of this post comes from a song that we’ve been singing for a few weeks at church.

The chorus says:

Give me faith

To trust what You say

That You’re good

And  Your love is great…

I may be weak

But Your Spirit’s strong in me

My flesh may fail

But my God You never will…

Very fitting.